Dimples & A Smirk

OK. If there are children in the room, please make them leave now. This is a slightly adult topic. All clear? OK.

I was tucking Joe into bed last night as I do every night which I am thrilled I still am allowed to do and he still wants. He had a pile of cotton Yankee boxers on top of his dresser. I asked him if they didn't fit or did he not want them anymore because Santa brought him the UnderArmour boxers which he has been asking for the last few months. He said it was a combo of both reasons. I started to have a conversation with him about the benefits of cotton boxers versus microfiber/poly blend boxers with regards to testicles. I started to explain about heat and testicles but it was late at night, I was tired and Joseph was smirking. I said to him, "Is it weird to hear your mom say testicles?" The double dimples appeared and he said, "Yes." I let him off the hook and said we would talk about it at another time.

Around 2:30 pm today, I got a phone call from Joe's teacher. We all know phone calls from teachers generally are not good news. I heard her voice and said what's wrong. She filled me in on an incident at recess today. There was some teasing going on. It involved 3 boys and 1 girl.  I will not name names here to protect the young, the innocent and not so innocent.  Evidently one kid made a comment about someone's face ie How's your face? Joe told me that another boy asked him, "How's your vagina?" The vagina comment was not directed to a girl. It was directed at my son. The boy who ALLEGEDLY made the comment claimed that Joe said the word vagina.

Deeply drawn-in horrified breath as the teacher said those words to me. I said to the teacher I can pretty much guarantee that Joe did not say that word. Maybe Joe repeated that word. He did not make that comment.

I was not in a place where I could have a drawn out conversation with the teacher or bring up the fact that I said the word testicles to Joe last night and the double dimples came out. Double dimples on Joseph means he is roaring laughing inside but is not sure that he should be laughing outside. I am very upfront with my children and honest about physiology. We use anatomically correct terms. Vaginas are vaginas in my house. They are not hoo haas, vajayjays or pussy willows. Penises are penises. I am a very direct person and I am direct with my children. It's a dangerous world we live in and they need to understand that no one is allowed to touch their bodies.

When the teacher told me that Joseph may have used the word vagina, I knew she was wrong. The kid cracked up at the word testicles. There is no way in hell he used the word vagina. He knows the word. It would have sent him into paroxysm of laughter to the point that he couldn't breathe. He didn't use it. I asked him what he said in response to that question and he told me he thought it was the dumbest comment ever.

When I asked him about recess and the use of the word vagina, the double dimples appeared. I have heard my son on PS3 and I have observed his aggressiveness. The only word that kid would have used begins with p and ends with y. I wore out the word vagina tonight and Joe was cracking up every time he heard it. He swore up and down that he never said it and I believe him.

That conversation led to manginas, murses and even more ridiculous terms that could apply to this situation. My 14 year old and his friend could be heard snickering and snorting in the other room. Jamie gave some advice to Joe that I totally agreed with and was advice that I don't think  James' friend had ever heard but loved hearing.

I found it ironic that in 24 hours I got to use the words testicles and vagina in conversations with my ten year old. And he giggled every time he heard those words. It's why I still get to cuddle with him every night and tuck him into bed. Thank God.